The presence of an age gap in most relationships between men and women is well-known, as is the fact that men are several years older than their female partners in most relationships rather than vice versa. This, together with various societal trends and myths, has led to the popular understanding that many young women are attracted to older men. How true is this, however, and if it is – why? Let’s go over the ten main reasons why younger women often look for relationships with older men.
1. Older men have more life experience
Experience is something everyone should realistically look for in a potential long-term partner. Life experience of any kind is useful in a relationship, after all. Yet, men don’t prioritize it as much. In fact, many men actively look for “inexperienced” women, both sexually and in general.
Why men do that (and are they dumb to do so) should be the topic of a different article, but for here, it’s more than enough to note that most young women are smart enough to value experience in a partner.
2. Emotional maturity is much less common in younger men than it is in women or in older men
It’s well-known that women mature faster than men emotionally and mentally. Studies have determined that, on average, men reach maturity at around 43 years while women do so at 32. That, plus the fact that women naturally seek out emotionally mature partners more intently than men, may alone be more than enough of a reason why young women seek out older men.
In other words, it isn’t the age of older men that women value, it’s the maturity of older men. In fact, this can also explain why more and more young men nowadays are left single, with most women their age either dating older men or other women – young men just aren’t mature enough.
3. Older men are usually more confident and more competent
Confidence is one of the most important factors for men’s attractiveness to women, right alongside humor. Of course, young men can be confident too – often to a ridiculous degree – but older men usually have more competence to back up their confidence.
4. Because older men are themselves attracted to younger women
Sometimes, trends just feed off each other, which is why it’s always important to look into mirrored and related trends as well. And, it is undeniable that older men are themselves attracted to younger women – be it for their looks, youth, or fertility.
Furthermore, studies show that older men cheat more often than women, so, this plays a role in the statistics too, as – when they cheat – older men often explicitly seek out younger women to cheat with.
Older women do the same when they cheat too, but they do so less often. Had older women been as prone to cheating as older men, it’s very likely that the stats for younger men and older women hooking up would have also been higher.
Even besides the topic of cheating, older men will often try so hard to find the perfect young wife, that there is an entire industry of international online dating apps and best mail order bride sites such as BridesUniverse, which older men often use to find young foreign brides.
5. Money and power are a factor, even if younger men often overstate their significance
Many cynical and disappointed young men often try to cope by just concluding that young women are all gold-diggers who only go after old men for their money and societal power. This is, of course, incorrect, as there are many other and more significant reasons for this, as we’re discussing here.
However, older men do have more money and societal influence than younger ones, and it’s silly to try to ignore this as a complete non-factor either.
6. The wisdom of age should not be underestimated
Wisdom is a wonderful trait to have. Not only does it help us navigate through life more easily, but it also makes for countless insightful conversations and banter, funnier humor, and all-around better experiences. This may sound trivial, but a big part of dating and falling in love is simply being enamored by the better and wiser conversationalist.
7. Older men can seem more committed to a long-term relationship
This can look like a bit of a contradiction with what we mentioned in #4 – the fact that older men cheat more often than older women. And, technically it is, however, older men also have more experience with long-term relationships, they are more aware of what they want, and their life is more put together – all this makes them more easily committed to a new long-term relationship once they find the right person.
8. Older men offer more stability
When women look for long-term relationships, one of the things they look for in a partner is stability. This is only natural – everyone has expectations, goals, and dreams when entering a relationship, and it’s much easier to reach or at least envision said dream with a partner who has already figured out and stabilized most of their personal circumstances.
Whereas with a younger man, the woman has to hope that he will successfully finish his education, will manage to build a career, will indeed want marriage and kids, will want to settle down where and how she wants to, and will develop the habits and behaviors that she is looking for – with an older man, most of these things become non-issues. Instead of hoping that things will work out, the woman can simply pick an older man who has already hit these milestones.
9. Even in this modern day and age, men are still the ones initiating most dating advances – could it be that women simply agree to an age gap men suggest?
10. There are millennia-old societal expectations for women to date older men
To further build upon #4, studies also suggest that relationships aren’t so much the result of “a choice” during the courtship process but more of a “bargaining and settlement.” This is to say that young women don’t have a perfect opportunity for a 100% free choice of partners. Instead, they are usually courted by one or several men, and simply make the best (or least worst) choice of the limited selection they are presented with.
And, given that men are the ones that initiate most dates, and that men themselves gravitate toward younger women, it does seem likely that younger women don’t so much “go for older men” but are simply often persuaded into relationships with them. Maybe it’s that wisdom, experience, and competence we mentioned earlier that simply makes older men better at sealing the deal than their younger competitors?
11. There are millennia-old societal expectations for women to date older men
For tens of thousands of years, most human societies have not only pushed women into relationships with older men, but have often outright forced them. So, even though such societal pressures have loosened somewhat in the last few decades, is it really surprising that the trend hasn’t been completely reversed yet?